i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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