He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
