don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
