Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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