this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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