I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize