No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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