mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize