I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
