The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
