he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
