i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
