ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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