The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
