Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
