You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
