he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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