I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
