I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
