If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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