Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
