We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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