Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
