Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We need a shit load of segways right now
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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