I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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