SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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