somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
