Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
