Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
