Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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