I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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