I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
