on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
