Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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