Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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