U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
