just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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