Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize