week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
