I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
