don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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