if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
handjob tips. give me some.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
