Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
