I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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