i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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