I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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