just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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