I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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