Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
