while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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