3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
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