whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
