dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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