ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
