nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Enjoy the penises
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
