Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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