Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
