Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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