can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I bet he comes in French.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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