awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My dick has a subreddit
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
