Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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