You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
