took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
