I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
