Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
