Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The beers last night were like the tears from god
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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